Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
