CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
