Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
