Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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