I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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