by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
