last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
