We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
