i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
