Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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