I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
