I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize