just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
