How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So much rum. So many feels.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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