Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
