I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize