Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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