I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
