my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
