Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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