how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
