Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
