mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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