he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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