see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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