That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
