Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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