i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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