the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
