Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
