You work out of a Hotel?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize