I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
