Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
