Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She bit a glass in half.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
