CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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