Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
