Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize