u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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