Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
