You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
