I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So vagazzling was a success
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
