I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
