I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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