I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize