I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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