thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
