It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize