nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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