Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
