Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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