but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
