the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
