turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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