to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
