and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
