I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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