Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
