It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
