a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
