ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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