He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
