Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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