I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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