Cold hands, warm shart.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize