Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
