i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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