i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
