He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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