would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
